If you thought The One Ring was powerful, then imagine how powerful The One Soap must be.
Legends of Middle Earth tell of how Gandalf (aka, Stormcrow, Greyhame or, in the old Elvish tongue of Sindarin, Mithrandir) was elevated from Grey to White wizard after The Battle of the Peak. A battle where he defeated the great balrog (Durin’s Bane) at the summit of Celebdil.
“Those that looked up from afar thought that the mountain was crowned with storm. Thunder they heard, and lightning, they said, smote upon Celebdil, and leaped back broken into tongues of fire. A great smoke rose about us, vapour and steam. Ice fell like rain. I threw down my enemy, and he fell from the high place and broke the mountain-side where he smote it in his ruin.”
Most believe that Gandalf’s metamorphosis was a mystic appointment from The Highest wizard, Eru. Few know, however, that Eru’s ultimate power was The One Bar. Given to Gandalf by Eru after The Battle of the Peak, Gandalf used the soap to cleanse the Grey and was then forever known as Gandalf the White.
The Bar, Mithrandir, smells exactly like what you’d think a white wizard would. Exotic and earthy like a wise wanderer crossing the plains of Rohan. Uplifting and powerful, like the morning rays at The Battle of the Hornburg. Slightly sweet or a little spicy, depending on the mood and number of approaching Uruk-hai. As clean and refreshed as Orthanc after the assault on Isengard.
One soap to clean them all and, in the shower, wash them.
“Magical, pure goodness - I hate it.”
-Sauron “The Dark One” Servant of Morgoth